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Do you believe in the binary? Left and right, up and down, yin and yang, fem and masc? That the world is built of co-dependent opposites? I don't.
I believe in balance. I believe in difference and contrast. But I don't believe in black and white divides. I believe in a globe that's covered in an infinite gradient of grays. No end, no beginning. No most, no least. Just lots of space to share the in-between.
Here's the thing though, most of the time, the world sees in black and white. Not gray at all. It's only human, to put things in boxes, to try to make sense, to make a choice. And it's hard to fight, to change, to become sensitive to the grey.
It's 1am on a Tuesday night, and you have the choice to walk home slow on downtown streets, or put on your hood and run. What do you choose? If they can't see you, if you're moving fast, maybe they won't have time to judge you, target you, grab you. Too fast to touch. But if you run, when you get home your heart is pumping, your mind is racing, your sleep will be disturbed. There isn't time for unwinding and slow deep breaths when you're feet are bounding and reaching for the ground, pre-empting the next leap before they even land.
A skateboard. A wind-in-your-hair kind of power and freedom. A things that's been looked in black and white, called masc, but that's really very grey. I don't know how to ride. I was too scared of getting hurt, and then twisted my ankle from being so tense. I couldn't let the board beneath me move me. My feet moved forward, my body didn't, I fell. Grr.
This is what the skater jean brings up for me. That daily 10 minute walk home from my parking spot to my apartment door.
There's power in clothing. An actual barrier between me and the world around me. Between me and the air, me and the ground, me and unwelcome hands, me and uninvited opinions. My clothes protect me. If I choose to walk home slow, they move with me, cover me, and hide me if I want them to. If I run, they'll hold me while letting my skin breathe. If I try to ride a skateboard again they'll protect my knees from getting skinned, my shoulders from getting sunburnt.
Who knows what box others will put me in, whether they'll see me as a threat, an open door, a dare, or if I'll go un-noticed. Whether they'll see me in grays or only black and white. So I wear what I want. High, low, baggy, short. I advocate for the gray whether I walk, run, or skateboard.
Love,
Kali
PS I'd love to talk more about all of this. Come chat with me at the party next weekend. Don't forget to RSVP. 🌈 |
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